caffeine and anxiety. my two arch nemeses have joined together once again to take me down.
its kind of my fault. mostly. i know better than to drink coffee after four and think i can get away with it.
sometimes i go through cycles of depression. i think i’m there again; this past month has been excessively stressful on me for a myriad of reasons, and i’ve heavily favored bottling it up in the absence of any personal accountability.
sometimes it’s just hard not to live in self destruction when there is no one around to notice it.. but i camouflage it so well anyway that its no ones fault but my own.
but this time i’m trying out some proactiveness on my part to keep it in check as best i can. its certainly a step up from laying in bed for a month. today i ran nearly four miles and followed it up with p90x legs. i’ve been practicing self control with the easter candies. i’ve been listening to all the upbeat songs on my ipod. i gave myself a much needed facial. i’ve been working on cultivating some old relationships with people i haven’t kept in touch with very well. i’m practicing self-reliance.
it all helps. and these things come and go.. this too shall pass and all that.
…
i just read over this and told myself i shouldn’t post it, the melodrama is exhausting. thats ridiculous. what good is a journal if it’s not used to keep record of thoughts. whatever.
ill probably just laugh at myself tomorrow morning.
